Monday, November 06, 2006

The Bible II: The Continuation of the Continuing Adventure Continues to Continue (Part II)


THE NEW OLD TESTAMENT

The Book of GRUDGES, Chapters 15–16


Last week on The Bible II, we were introduced to Samson and Delilah, two lovable kids trying to make intertribal marriage work in spite of some serious flaws in their long-term financial strategy. So without further ado, direct from the sacred tablets of WULAD-certified guest prophet of the hour Eponymagain, we present the conclusion of GRUDGES 13-16: The Birth, Exploits, Revenge, Retirement and Death of Samson.

CHAPTER 15
Samson's Vengeance


1. Samson makes a series of public statements accusing the families of the dead of killing their own in an attempt to build popular sympathy for their cause. Many people believe that he is history's actor.

2. Delilah says to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein your great strength lies, and wherewith thou mightest be bound afflicted.

3. Samson denies knowledge of any weakness, citing strong housing starts and an upswing in exports.

CHAPTER 16
Betrayal by Delilah and Death


1. Delilah says to Samson, Samson, my faithful friend, I have received letters from great veterinary pathologists, which signify what hate they bear you and how desirous of your death they are. I pray thee, wherein your great strength lies, and wherewith thou mightest be bound afflicted.

2. Delilah presses Samson daily with her words, and urges him, so that his soul is vexed unto death; At long last he tells her all his heart. He tells her, If they deceive me and steal from me, then shall I be poor. Then shall I be be as any other man. If I am poor, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.

3. Delilah sees that he has told her all his heart.

4. And Delilah weeps, You were my sweetest downfall. I loved you first. Your hair was long when we first met. My father implored me invest in government or corporate bonds, funds with longer average-maturity periods that had higher risk but also higher yield potential. But I did not.

5. Samson says to Delilah, I am near now to retirement and near to death. You have time for your money to grow. I do not.

6. And Delilah weeps, You have sought to allocate your assets, distributing your money across different types of investments. Samson, most people die at the last minute.

7. The risk of violent death is now 58 percent higher than it was before.

8. Samson obtains the plan document for each pension plan. His attorney asks for the plan’s procedures, for domestic relations orders. Among other features, the plan has certain options about when the spouse’s share can be paid to her under a domestic relations order. These sorts of details can make a difference in your negotiations with your spouse. These sorts of details can make a difference.