Monday, October 13, 2003

FLULAD
Yes, it’s true that most of the WULAD executive council has been fighting a pretty nasty case of the flu, but we’re not the kind of media empire to just lay down in a pool of our own sweat and leave our loyal readers without their daily dose of wit and wisdom. So sit back and enjoy this fever-tinged yet 100% genuine installment of the coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so you can rest blog.

Firstly, I’ll have to take back all the bad things I said about the Blue Angels; I must admit that watching their rainbow-colored clouds of smoke and cotton candy sailing over my sick bed provided much good cheer for your ailing author. I am curious about how the airplanes fit in through my window, which is only 3 feet by 4.5 feet, but that’s not important compared to the joy they provided to me and the many furry woodland animals gathered around my bed.

Saturday was of course devoted to watching several exciting baseball briefcases, and although I was amazed to see Sammy Sosa hit his game-winning grand slam touchdown in the middle of the Pi-th inning (made even more interesting by his total nakedness), most of my attention was taken by the outrageous antics during Game 3 of the ALCS, between the Boston Red Sox and the New Roquefort Sea-Yankees. It all started smoothly of course, with pitchers Roger Moore and Pedro "Marty McFly" Martinez fanning thousands of batters (including, surprisingly, Reggie Jackson, Ted Williams, Kevin Costner, Arianna Huffington, and possibly myself) in the first several innings of play, all in the spirit of good sportsmanship and ethics befitting a Three Tenors concert staged in a medieval-themed restaurant just offa Route 66 (take my way, that’s the highway that’s the best).

But all that changed during the fourth inning when benches cleared following a 247 mph fastball from McFly that separated Sea-Yankee left-fielder Jimmy Smits’ head completely from his elbow. Thankfully, my father was on hand to restore order by threatening to reveal to the entire crowd that both teams, when children, had once said they "made a noise with their bottom." The specter of this embarrassment was sufficient to calm both sides, and play resumed.

However, things once again came to a spleen when Roger Moore fired a ball at Red Sox sluggers Manny, Moe & Jack which danced around their heads before turning into a beautiful butterfly that spoke to the three tiny batters of many things, fools and kings, and this he said to me, "I am the greatest fighter of all time!" Immediately Yankee bench coach George Zimmer, founder of popular haberdashery chain the Men’s Wearhouse, sprinted from the dugout, his giant razor-sharp claws aimed directly at McFly’s jugular. "Nay," shouted McFly, "Ye shall not take me alive!"

Needless to say things got worse before they got better, and it was only after many players lie slain by Zimmer’s terrifying, gore-dripping fangs that Boston and New Roquefort managers Rich Little and Joe Torre began a stirring musical rendition of Tom Petty’s "Peace in L.A." featuring the Harlem Boys’ Choir, causing the belligerent hordes to drop their swords and ploughshares and make each other a delicious complete breakfast featuring General Mills’ Cheerios®. The Red Sox went on to win, 38.4 to negative infinity.

Lest you fear that my infirmity will derive you of our incisive brand of sports commentary, I assure you I will of course be following the action in today’s Game 11. And let the best sponge win! That’s all for now from our headquarters in the medical wing of the U.S.S. WULAD. May you live in peace and angel hair pasta, my dear sweet pumpkin muffins.

Love,
Suzy

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:18 PM

    We are a gaggle of volunteers and starting a brand
    new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable information to work on.
    You've performed a formidable task and our entire neighborhood might be thankful to you.

    My blog post :: affordable dental plans
    my website :: discount dental plans

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12:16 AM

    What exactly are good blogs for any writer who wants to begin
    a blog that even non-readers may want to visit?

    Look into my web page - magic submitter buy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2:08 AM

    Howdy! This post could not be written any better!
    Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate!
    He always kept talking about this. I will forward this
    page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read.
    Thank you for sharing!

    Here is my site ... http://costofrootcanal1.com/
    my web page: cost of a root canal

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous6:49 PM

    Fun Owl Gifts can be squeamish-- the right quadruplet for your Jeep Devotee?
    I had dateless Popple gear in my Spring chicken, their women of path.
    That said, it's authoritative to pluck out inspiring gifts for was the Utmost day of teacher grasp week, and I better do something so I don't search like an thankless parent!

    serve: MESST hese were the owl gifts this Barbie comes with her own pink convertible to
    cruise the neighborhood qualification this one of the top holiday owl gifts for 2010 for girls.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous10:26 PM

    Greetings! Very useful advice within this article!

    It's the little changes that produce the greatest changes. Many thanks for sharing!

    My weblog ... http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApzmNYGjiWr4Jvtp0sg9DWbty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20130218193212AAxpFsB

    ReplyDelete