Monday, October 06, 2003

Wrapped Up Like An Endorsement
For those readers lucky enough to live in The Sunshine State, current headquarters of the WULAD media empire and home to millions of kvetching New Yorkers who nevertheless refuse to leave, we are happy to tell you exactly what to do as you stand scratching your head in the ballot box tomorrow morning. So get out your pencils and listen carefully to the issues presented to you—if you find you disagree with any of our vehement suggestions, WULAD assures you the problem is with you, not us.

Shall GRAY DAVIS be recalled (removed) from the office of Governor?
WULAD implores: NO.

Candidates to succeed GRAY DAVIS as Governor if he is recalled:
WULAD beseeches: Cruz Bustamante, D. (Incidentally, I was present during his controversial speech, and I'm pretty sure he actually said either "Niagara" or "noggin", or was asking for a refreshing Negra Modelo.)

Resist the temptation to vote for "fun" candidates like Lorraine (Abner Zurd) Fontanes, Trek Thunder Kelly, Michael Jackson (no relation), Dan Feinstein (no relation), Arnold Schwarzenegger (no relation), Kurt E. "Tachikaze" Rightmyer, Arnold "TouchiAze" Schwarzenegger, David Laughing Horse Robinson, or Arnold Grabbing Ass Schwarzenegger. Additionally, I urge you not to vote for anyone who appeared in a film grossing over $1 million this year. Or Schwarzenegger.

Propostition 54: Classification by race, ethnicity, color, or national origin. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.
WULAD entreats: NO.
All the talk about medical records is a smokescreen for the fact that this is an anti-affirmative action measure sponsored by our old buddy Ward "Colorblind Society" Connerly. WULAD thinks you should vote against it but respects your right to disagree, whereas if you vote for Arnold, WULAD will never speak to you again.

Remember, if you don't run for governor, don't complain!