Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Dinette Vignettes, Vol. mcxiii
Overheard while picking up coffee this morning: “Yeah, she was sitting at the dinner table, smoking a cigar and drinking bourbon… and my dad said, 'Yep, that’s your great-grandmother!'”

Local Political Joke with Wide-Ranging Appeal
"Why do people feed pigeons?" asks reader Shan-bear. "Are these the same people that vote for Newsom?"

WULAD Web Wround-up
Thank God for creatively positioned photographers.

Popular chanteuse and “sex on a stick” (says WULAD Wregular Clare-bear) Britney Spears recently sat down, put on her Thinking Bra and answered the hard questions. Unlike all of you ungrateful malcontents, she correctly believes “…we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that." You tell ‘em, Toots. She then finished the interview by reciting the Lord’s Prayer while engaging in an open-mouthed tongue kiss with interviewer Tucker Carlson.

Due to my desire to always assume the best in people, I’d like to think this picture is on Yahoo's Most E-mailed index just because people really like skating.

Looking to the Midwest, titan-of-bloggery Mimi Smartypants is back from China and has all the moo shoo for your perusal, delivered with her usual aplomb. Her demonstrated ability to see the inherent drama and comedy (cute baby pictures!) in life's twists and turns (cute baby pictures!) separates her from the majority (cute baby pictures!) of internet commentators. Also there are some cute baby pictures!

Lastly, C-baby has alerted me that a petition is available bugging Dreamworks to release the stolen-from-my-childhood TV show Freaks and Geeks on DVD. It is imperative that you sign, because the VHS copies we watch at her house are looking pretty bad.

Take Me Out to the Hot Stove
In the Nobody-Cares-But-Me Dept., Bob Klapisch is guardedly optimistic about the Mets’ chances to begin crawling toward respectablility next year; SaberMets makes one last case for acquiring prodigal son and painful side-thorn Alex Rodriguez; and also I shot a blue walrus this morning who was humping my leg and singing cowboy songs and a bunch of other stuff and no one's still reading this.