Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Stick Your Dainty Hand Inside the Cow of Charity
Paris Hilton stopped by the WULAD Wranch last night and sipped a low-carb martini while watching the premiere of her new TV show from the comfort of my Corinthian leather beanbag chair. While she was excited about the prospect of showing her buttcrack to America in a more family-friendly way than she has in past months, she was most enthusiastic about how much publicity the show could generate for the PHCSF and its worthy cause. Sure enough, by the time I was tucked in bed and Paris was at the local unemployed web-designers' shelter serving soup, kindness, and Red Bull Cosmos to those less fortunate, the heretofore-diminishing tide of Paris Porn hits had swelled once again to a torrent. So why not pledge a penny or two per hit, and make up for all the bad things you’ve done in the past? Santa is watching, and his wrath is mighty.

Enough with the Democracy, Already
Meanwhile, here in San Freakin'-Fran-cisco, we’re bearing down on yet another election—some mayoral runoff or some shit—and the consensus is that we can either have the status quo (hand-picked successor of current mayor), or the status quo plus (President of the Board of Supervisors). The Chronicle wisely focuses on the most important issue of the campaign: fashion. (via Belle.)

Take Me Out to the WULAD
And a coupla baseball items for that tiny percentage of my tiny readership who can be bothered to pretend to care, even if it's only to humor me and hold off the crushing power of my self-doubt for one more day: Peter Gammons talks to Mike & the Mad Dog about the hot stove market, including why Mets fans are in for a long hot summer of a long dark winter before they can get to their long dark winter of a long hot summer. The Times has an entertaining piece on the rebranding efforts of perennial Japanese League not-so-lovable losers the Nippon-Ham Fighters (“Take ye back, ye scurvy ham!”):

They have been awful for decades on end, with exceedingly rare exceptions, and—as if to highlight their ineptitude—they play in the same city and stadium as the legendary Yomiuri Giants…One Japanese sports executive says the team’s image is so dismal that the team “could actually devalue the ham brand.”