Tuesday, May 18, 2004

A Tactless Question
In all the discussion surrounding recent unfortunate events in Iraq, WULAD has developed some skepticism regarding the term “beheading.” It seems to this observer that “beheading” sounds like the act of presenting or adorning someone with a head (as in “bedecked,” “bejeweled,” “besombreroed,” or “bethonged”). Wouldn’t “de-heading” be more accurate? This question will probably land us in Hell, although we ask it merely out of etymological curiosity.

[The opinions expressed above do not represent those of DoucheCo Enterprises, a wholly owned subsidiary of Wrapped Up Like A Giant Media Conglomerate, which has blocked distribution of the above paragraph to avoid alienating its mainstream customers. WULAD advocates neither beheading nor deheading. Have a nice day.]

News You Can Schmooze
Local news was appropriately abuzz (bebuzzed?) this morning with shocking developments in the deepening Iraqi prison abuse scandal—I’m sorry, make that the American Idol voting scandal—and KRON 4, home of WULAD favorite Darya Folsom and her very perky, uh... personality, was on the case in its usual hard-hitting style.

Roving smarminess-generator and exiled-Journey-frontman’s-cousin Mark Pitta interviewed a local Professor of Media and Television Studies, who gave his expert professorial opinions on whether that one black chick got voted off because of racism or maybe because people just want to stick it to Oakland, and whether that other Asian chick didn’t get voted off because she was crying and people felt bad about how racist they’d been the week before, and whether the whole thing isn’t just some huge scripted sappy commercial stinking poo-pile.

The conclusion: there should be no such thing as a Professor of Media and Television Studies.

Spam Lit. 101, vol. xcvii
An excerpt from a gem of found prose that showed up in WULAD’s inbox this morning:

His shoulders were sore and stiff from the heavy strain upon them of the previous day, and he wished more than once that he had some of his mother's household liniment to rub them with Yet so great was his delight at reaching once more his native land that all discomforts were speedily forgotten Much as he would have enjoyed a day in the great metropolis of the Pacific slope, Rob dared not delay longer than to take a general view of the place, to note its handsome edifices and to wonder at the throng of Chinese inhabiting one section of the town.
Well, if you put it that way, maybe I will take some of those penis pills.

We like this very much.

NOTE: Major comment drought, people. Let's pick it up.