Monday, August 23, 2004

WULAD Web Wround-Up
I know my Olympicynicism has really gotten out of hand when I start thinking about which athlete I would most like to be the next to fail a drug test and get kicked out of the Games. (Generally speaking, the more “inspirational” the story, the more I secretly fantasize about seeing him or her sent home in shame.) Current contenders include the uplifting white sprinter dude, the touching loyal boyfriend dude, and the plucky silly-walking national hero. (Let’s not forget the cute-as-punch diver-for-Jesus who was instructed yesterday by God to not quit her day job.) (I really am going to hell.)

My favorite Onion piece in a long time...

With an education comes the ability to articulate oneself. With that ability comes Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Cavemen. Stonehenge. The Earl of Northumberland. Mr. Barnes and Mr. Noble. The Mayans, Beethoven's hearing, Dr. Mengele. Education is the keystone to these worlds; it's the arch that spans the doorway between the future and the past. Without education, a child cannot pass beneath that doorway. Such a child is left outside, in the present, for he does not have the tithe. That's enough of the lion sounds now.

Finally, C-Baby discovered this story about the hippest new form of body art: manhole-cover-branding.
"I'm on prescription creams and painkillers," she said. "I ache all over, and I find it really hard to sit down."
Sounds like my first time! Ba-dump, etc.