Wrapped Up Like A Douche

WULAD Wround the Web
I've got a piece up at Yankee Pot Roast today, "12 Easy Steps to a Better You." I guarantee that anyone who reads it will awake tomorrow morning with a sunnier and more patriotic demeanor, firmer abs, clearer skin, and an encyclopedic knowledge of the works of Peter Breughels both Elder and Younger. Anyone who doesn't read it will awake with an extra buttock.

I Love the Smell of Stereotypes in the Morning
Bus driver today: "Ain't nothin' feels better than rain on a fresh-shaved head. Dries right quick. And a pig in a blanket,"—here he took a big bite—"that's livin'."