Monday, April 25, 2005

Gleaming the Blog
Apparently there are these things called "blogs," and apparently people get really worked up over these "blogs" and what people say in and about them. For example, on one of these "blogs"—one I happen to enjoy regularly—there is a shitstorm in full swing regarding the proprietor’s commentary about a prior shitstorm, the content of which I believe can be distilled to the following:

A: Those people are stupid.
B: No, you’re stupid and self-important.
A: Well you’re fat.
B: You’re Jewish and stupid.
A: You’re a fat anti-semite.
B: You’re a stupid ugly Jew.
C: I used to think you were fat and funny, but now I think you’re a fat stupid anti-semite.
A: Stop calling me a fat ugly Jew or I’ll sic my ADL lawyers on your stupid ass.
B: That’s just what a stupid fat self-important Jew would do.
D: We need to take time to examine the complex ethical questions involved in this issue...
A: Shut up, you stupid fat anti-Semite. She said I was fat and Jewish and I’m going to sue her ass.
B: Are you saying you’re not fat and Jewish? ‘Cause I have pictures that say otherwise.
E: That was my stupid roommate who said that, so tell your fat Jewish lawyers to leave me alone.
A: Yeah, sure it was your roommate, you stupid ugly fat loser.
A, B, C, D, E: Shut up, you stupid fat ugly self-important Jewish anti-Semites!
F: Sniglets® of the Future!
What is most entertaining to me is that there seems to be much equating of the medium with the message, as if "blogs" were not just another method of transmitting information—information which may or may not have any value whatsoever. I’m wondering if other media went through the same process—"Gutenberg thinks he’s so cool with his Bible, but I think he’s a stupid fat ugly Lutheran!" "Shut up, you stupid fat Catholic! I was into Monteverdi before he he sold out!"—and so on.

I would like to close by plagiarizing an old post of mine, which (if I do say so myself) captures the essence of "blogging" in a handy mnemonic format:

B eginnings, when posting is beautiful and new
O bservations on Hegel and your roommate’s new ‘do
R elentless pursuit of reciprocal links
I nsufficient responses because your website stinks
N eedy demands for support from the masses
G iving up and going back to sitting on your asses.