Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Ways in Which I am Highly Qualified to Be the Next Pope

  • Extensive knowledge of Scripture and Canonical Law

  • Tall, pope-hat-shaped skull

  • Masters in Pope Studies from Vassar

  • Often excommunicating people in my mind

  • Fluent in both Latin and Pig Latin

  • Voted "Most Likely to Become Pope" in Senior Class

  • Once beat the crap out of Archbishop of Canterbury in a rumble

Personal Issues Which May Disqualify Me From Said Papacy
  • Intense hatred of God

  • Crippling addiction to sex

  • Paralyzing fear of Mel Gibson

PHCSF ‘05 Update
: Thanks to a kindly pledge and shout-out from our friendly neighborhood SFist, Paris and I have decided not to abandon the pledge drive just yet. However, I fully expect that more of you, having had time to think about it and feel guilty, will step up to the plate and email me with your pledges now; if not, the Lord may just call me home.