Monday, July 25, 2005

Why God Invented Self-Imitation
Because WULAD received approximately one billion hits this weekend from some belated link-love for the original version, and because I frankly don't have any better ideas for new material, I'm going to go ahead and try to recapture lighting in a bottle with another installment—potential George Carlin lawsuits be damned—of...

11 More Phrases Which Have Never Before Been Spoken or Written

  • No, the dreadlocks are fine. I'm sure our bank's customers are more than willing to look past them and get to know the person inside.

  • I know it goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway: BMW drivers are really sweet people!

  • If it weren't for the fact that it makes the world a safer place for Americans, I think I would be really angry about my family being blown to bits.

  • If you have a problem with my great-uncle's graffiti art, Ms. "Chaka Khan"—if that is your real name—I suggest you take it up with my attorney, Abraham Lincoln VIII!

  • It’s like I said to Oprah the other day while we were doin' the nasty—if you can’t beat them, join them. And by "them" I mean the Harlem Globetrotters.

  • The sum of the areas of the squares on the legs of a right triangle is equal to the area of... Holy shit, I just ran over Charlie Rose's illegitimate love-child on my jet-ski!

  • His propensity for quoting Monty Python sketches in a fake accent only made him more attractive.

  • Wait, wait—there will be plenty of time for lovemaking after we finish exhuming your grandfather.

  • Every time WULAD rehashes some tired old idea, it just gets funnier and funnier!

  • Senator Garfunkel, you are out of order!

  • Flaheeepaloghusabitzeeberaaarghwithasideofpotatosaladfrodizaquitoobadoodadeedledoo!
Future generations will remember this as the day that WULAD began its irrevocable descent toward unreadability.