Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Phrases I've Recently Uttered Which Have Prompted Ridicule from my Significant Other

• "Of course, most of the Smurfs were incredibly thick-witted, if you'll remember."
  
  
• "Compared to last time, she was positively ebullient."
  
  
• "We could launch my model rocket in the DMV parking lot if there wasn't so much detritus."
  
  
• "It's very temperate tonight."
  
  
• "The cat left some more effluvia on the bed."
  
  
• "I think, in terms of curtains, the more diaphanous, the better."

To put this in context, I must add that when I was a kid, my grandmother came to pick me up at my elementary school one day, and after asking a few kids if they knew me, one responded, "Oh, you mean 'Mr. Dictionary.'"

BONUS: A phrase from said Significant Other during one of the two awesome bullfights we attended this weekend: "In his defense, he already got it up the ass tonight."

UPDATE: I've just reread the above paragraph, and I feel I should clarify that "he" refers to one of the matadors, and "it" refers to a bull's horn, so you perverts can put any other perverted ideas out of your little perverted pervert minds.