Wrapped Up Like A Douche

What Are You Looking At?
I'm taking a break! I've been under the weather! I've been in a cell at Gitmo! I had a 16-lb. tumor removed from my face! I was elected President of Bolivia! I've been under secret government surveillance! I've been attending memorials for executed Nobel-prize nominees! I got gay-married to Elton John! I've been hiding from David Letterman's spies! I had to go back to Washington to break a tie in the Senate on the "The President's a Dweeb" Amendment! I had to make an impassioned courtroom defense of the theory that Mallomars are conclusive evidence of an intelligent designer!

Come back later!

P.S. Congratulations, White Sox!