Friday, February 24, 2006

The Internet Is a Wonderful, Terrible Thing

Part I: Comments
This has been a strange week for the ol' blog-commenting game. Recently, at a nearby internet den of iniquity, one commenter implied that a certain not-quite-a-celebrity-comedian looked like a hapless retard; within hours the wife of said not-quite-a-celebrity-comedian had shown up to defend her man's honor, unwittingly unleashing her snarling high school demons in the process of attacking the attacker's looks, talent, and parentage over the course of the day. I can only imagine the eye-rolling on the part of the N.-Q.-a-C.-C. when told of this exchange (no really, I can imagine it perfectly--try it, it's funny), followed by his explanation that, while her heart was in the right place, scouring the internet looking for opportunities to defend one's rising-star hubby doesn't jell with projecting the desired image of someone who's famous enough not to get mixed up in squabbles with lowly web-hecklers. Live and learn, Mr. and Mrs. N.-Q.-a-C.-C.!

Meanwhile, here at the WULAD World Headquarters, there have been a couple of noteworthy comment issues within the past week: first was the fellow (a Mr. Greg C.) who left the following comment after an installment of my great internet-search opus (IDIOMS ATE YOUR WHEATIES: A tale of Joy and Woe and Joy in Four Chapters):

I loved The Great Space Coaster! I remember The Beautiful Actress Sally Struthers of the sitcom All In The Family Guest Staring on this 1980's children's t.v. show. TGSC cast joked that Puppet Goriddle Gorilla had a big crush on Actress Sally Struthers ... Sally Struthers is such a kind person! She has such a pretty face! Please sign the bring back the great space coaster online petition ... because it now has 1,946 signatures.The Great Space Coaster Homepage ... has recently been updated with new pictures and video clips of the cast. Other guest stars appeared on TGSC such as Linda Gray, Bess Armstrong, "Mary" Kathleen Turner... and Singer Karen Carpenter- May She Always Rest In Peace In Heaven... I also remember Frannie, the beautiful 16 year old female lead/singer/guitar player in TGSC Band who used to play many Practical Jokes on Puppet Goriddle Gorilla! She was played by the very talented...
And so on. (I especially liked the Karen Carpenter bit. Read the loooooooong version here.) I responded thusly:
Dear Greg:

Congratulations on spending your time randomly scouring the web for Great Space Coaster references to plug your petition. I'm not on board, let's not explore.
Next was the regular visitor who left a comment following the story of my girlfriend's mother's entertaining folk-wisdom/English-mangling, the first half of which was funny and referred to the story, the second half of which was just a "foreigners screw up fast food orders" joke. I suggested he take it easy on the fast food references since this was my girlfriend's mother, who although not much of an English speaker, is nevertheless not the person who's been messing up his Nachos Bellgrande. End of story, right?


I was inclined to let it go, until I read some of the really annoying responses, which I felt needed to be addressed, at the risk of resembling a certain not-quite-a-celebrity-comedian's wife. So here's my take:

This experiment called WULAD is nothing if not by the People, for the People, and of the people, but there's a right way and a lame way to register a complaint. If you have an issue with something I write, take it up with the WULAD Customer Satisfaction Bureau (a.k.a. me), and not some gaggle of spelling-impaired strangers who don't know what "ESL" means and say things like, "You saw the shot, there was no danger, and if he's getting his shit blendered in a way he doesn't like, then he shouldn't put it out on the FUCKING WORLD WIDE WEB!!!" (This particular thought coming from a guy whose own site contains elegant prose like, "as bachelor's are wont to do betimes...")

Yeah, I sure "got my shit blendered" on that one, brah.

Next week--The Internet Is a Wonderful, Terrible Thing: Part 2.