Friday, October 20, 2006

Handy Phrases to Use After Your Team Is Eliminated from the Playoffs

  • Uhghahhhn.

  • You God damn, damn God-damnin' God-damners... damn.

  • Do not want

  • Guhh-ahrrrghhmm. Llngm.

  • [Opposing team's starting pitcher] is the bastard inbred son of a motherless goat-whore!

  • Finally I can change my lucky [team colors] [hat/watch/underwear/adult diaper]!

  • Wwwww...

  • [Underperforming millionaire outfielder] licks the sweat off a dead bastard inbred son of a motherless goat-whore's balls!

  • [Long pause.] Mmmnghl.

  • It is only through the experience of loss that we may truly learn to appreciate the beauty of the struggle, the adversity, and the journey which make up the true lessons of this game—which is, in the end, no more, nor less, than the game of life and FUCK YOU ST. LOUIS!!!!

  • [Sobbing wordlessly.]

  • As an intellectual, I have greater concerns than the performance of a bunch of overpaid growth-hormone abusers in a staged contest of athleticism, and I therefore oh God you bastards you broke my Goddam heart you sons-of-bitches...

  • Wait... Tih... Nexhhh... Yeahhhhhrmrmmgh...