Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Trouble in Paradise
We’re going to need some counseling; my wife is also running for governor. I’d like to point out that although she may “look” more gubernatorial than me, she’s very weak on the issues. Sorry, hon!

Those Zany Yellow Journalists!
In case anybody felt the urge lately to sugarcoat the venomous bile spewed forth on a daily basis from the New York Post (resident chest-bursting alien Rupert Murdoch’s oozing propaganda orifice), I came across the following flag-up-his-ass demagoguery. Steve Dunleavy, for anyone unacquainted, is like an Australian Shakespeare—that is, if Shakespeare was a virulently nationalist, race-baiting near-illiterate (his eloquent comment on the 41-bullet salute shooting of the dangerously unarmed Amadou Diallo: “Nobody believes this anti-police nonsense…”)—who seems to think he’s more American than Americans. But the worst part is that I can’t shake the feeling that he’s making it up, that he knows exactly what to say to rouse the rabble, and doesn’t give a koala’s ass whether it’s true or not as long as it furthers the half-truths, stereotypes and bald-faced lies his esteemed news-fuhrer is currently interested in slinging. I can picture him laughing it up while the straphangers rail against the Hollywood-traitor-conspiracy; meanwhile, never is heard a discouraging word on the complete lack of a connection between September 11 and Iraq, and the many connections between Al Qaeda and the buddy-buddy Saudis that the Bush administration is attempting to sweep under the rug. But man, did you see that American Idol?

Funny Things My Friends Once Said, vol. xcviii
My old buddy FayJay, commenting on a coworker of ours: “I used to think L. was weird, but then I realized she’s just Turkish.”