Wednesday, October 15, 2003

All Roads Lead to WULAD
This is of course an easy joke requiring no thought on my part, and has been done by every blog known to man or astro-man. So what am I waiting for? Nothing!

Actual internet searches that have led (most likely disappointed) people to this website:

  • Magic Johnson + group sex (I never kiss and tell.)

  • NYC criminal court summons information (Your go-to guide to the criminal justice system. Se Habla Español. Open 24 hours.)

  • Smelly French drummer (Wanted for cover band with major label interest!)

  • "coffee cops" noir (Is somebody else using my screenplay idea?)

  • "nude racquetball" (Keep your eye... on... the ball!)

  • anti-Boston Red Sox (I've always considered my site Fair & Balanced™.)

  • "Obnoxious Red Sox fans" (Slander! Libel! Wait...)

  • douche bug (Just don't let it lay eggs!)

  • "Johnny Damon" ethnicity (That feller's got a purty mouth—but is he, you know...)


  • Baptist history and principles coleman (I got your Baptist history and principles right here, Gary.)

  • People wrapped up in bags (And the people who love them.)

  • photo of young red sox fan flipping the bird (For the new Massachusetts state quarter.)

  • wrapped up like a douche (Is THIS what that freaking song was about?)
I will of course keep you, who come to this site for what are generally not perverted and/or devious reasons, posted with all the stunning developments in this so-easy-the-entry-writes-itself area.

Attention Denizens of Wrigley
Cub fans, I have two things to say to you. First, the guy who caught the foul ball is not your enemy. The eight runs you coughed up after that are the enemy. (This is similar to Red Sox fans blaming Bill Buckner for losing the ’86 series when in reality a) at the time Mookie’s grounder rolled through his legs, the game was already tied, so they would’ve had to go to extra innings even if he’d fielded the ball cleanly; and b) it was Game 6, so they had a whole new day and a whole new lead to blow on their way to that unhappy fate. So leave the guy’s kids alone already.) Second, as you can see in the comparison shots below (provided by WULAD’s crack Photography dept.), the “Cub fan” in question was actually none other than former Cy Young winner Barry Zito of the Oakland A’s, no doubt looking to sabotage other teams’ World Series® hopes to assuage the pain of his own Shattered October Dreams®.

Meanwhile, the Sox have the odds stacked against them in the Bronx, so the lovable losers of the Midwest may be the last hope for a Curse-bashing Classic—so dry your windblown eyes, Cubbies, and win just one more for the WULAD.