Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Take Me Out to the Rift in the Space/Time Continuum
Lastly, the moment at least three of you have been waiting for—WULAD Sports proudly brings you continuing coverage of the Parallel Universe World Series (in which managers Grady Little and Dusty Baker escaped from the clutches of mad scientist Dr. Seligator and defeated their evil android replacement managers before crucial decisions could be sabotaged). When we last checked in, the Cubs carried a two-game lead into Fenway Park, but a dramatic play-at-the-plate left the BoSox hungry and determined to make a statement on their home turf.

Well, last night’s Game 3 did not disappoint, as the fully-rested Pedro Martinez battled Matt Clement in a classic pitchers’ duel, and both teams brought a 2–2 tie late into the game. Little, ever the expert bullpen manager, gently ushered Martinez to the bench and handed the ball to Scott Williamson, who pitched a 1-2-3 top of the ninth. But in the bottom half, Red Sox left-fielder Manny Ramirez sent Clement’s 100th pitch soaring over the Green Monster and into the chilly Boston night, winning the game. Afterwards Ramirez, ever the cheerful ambassador, told reporters the credit for the victory really belonged to the whole team, not just one man. He then spoke eloquently on the topic of land-mine removal in Afghanistan for 20 minutes while signing autographs for every single fan outside the clubhouse until he was satisfied that truly, no child had been left behind. What a guy.

And with that, we hear the sad, yet inevitable words that are the harbingers of the end of another episode of the Divina Commedia called WULAD: “The network’s back up.” Until we meet again…