Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Dinette Vignettes, vol. mcxvii-a & b
At a fifties-style diner near Union Square on this glorious post-dental-cleaning morning, while sipping enamel-staining yet oh-so-satisfying diner coffee, complete with half-n-half from a little plastic creamer container (next to a bowl on the table containing ten or fifteen more little creamer containers than necessary)...

Waitress #1 (Alice?): Where's the hostess?

Waitress #2 (Flo?): At the bail bonds office.

Then, from the table behind me...

Grizzly Construction Worker Dude: Hey man, can I use your cellphone?

His Buddy: Here you go.

GCWD (on phone): Hi, this is _____, I'm callin' to let you know, well, obviously you're aware I missed our appointment yesterday. I was comin' down with somethin', I went to work an' they sent me home, you know, 'cause I was so sick. I lay down for a while, but next thing I know I missed all my appointments, and I'm really, really sorry. I hope you don't write this up as a violation. I'm really sorry, I was really sick but you can page me and I'll call you back.

Buddy (after GCWD hangs up): Good bullshit, man.

GCWD: Hell, yeah.