Wrapped Up Like A Douche

PHCSF Update
Well, we’re several days into the inaugural Paris Hilton Crotch Shot Foundation pledge drive, and while I was encouraged to learn that we have accumulated five pledges, I would really like to see some more, especially since all those phone operators get paid by the hour. Think about the implications of this project—the money generated by all that covert porn-searching could feed, clothe or educate somebody whose country was recently bombed further into the stone age. So cowboy up.

Incidentally, WULAD Wregular Clare-bear was adamant in his belief that linking to the actual video would help the cause and perhaps increase the pledges; well, since you put it that way, here it is (via Zulkey, via D. Holmes).

Lastly, while we're on the subject of social justice, I would like all of you to copy the following into an e-mail and send it to your congressperson, senator, president, or supreme pontiff:

Dear [Person of Importance]:

As a concerned citizen, I feel it is imperative that you do everything in your power, including suspending the rule of law and/or restricting the cherished freedoms that are the foundation of our democracy, to ensure that the New York Mets trade All-Star catcher Mike Piazza to the Texas Rangers for recently crowned American League MVP shortstop Alex Rodriguez. If you are able to accomplish this through influence, intimidation, coercion, bribery, or any other means, I promise you my firstborn child and my vote.

Sincerely,

[Insert Name and Provocative Photo.]