Wrapped Up Like A Douche

If It Ain’t Baroque, Don’t Play it for 168 Hours
WKCR, my favorite radio station, has begun its annual festival dedicated to Bach, my favorite composer, during which they play his music continuously for a week, my favorite duration, from New York, my favorite city. It features such music-nerd-friendly events as nightly Cantata Request Hours, the Jazz meets Bach show, and interviews with über-music-nerds whose Bach Fu is so superior to mine that it leaves me to weep silently while listening to the Chromatic Fantasia and Fugue in D Minor by the light of a single candle, a broken shell of a man. Along with (non-yellow) snow and crates of clementines, it’s one of the highlights of the holiday season back there. (As opposed to San Francisco, where the holiday highlights include manger scenes constructed out of discarded drug paraphernalia and chestnuts roasted over an open hibachi with mango-chipotle compote.) If you’re in the NYC area, tune to 89.9 FM, or listen to it on the web here.

If the National Review Printed This, I’d Protest
We lead you into the weekend with a bit of “foreigners are funny” humor that’s acceptable because everybody knows I’m not a racist even though I did once drunkenly remark that “those Koreans sure like their restaurants brightly lit” and I may have pretended to be Black to get into college where I had a brief romance with Rae Dawn Chong before being exposed as a white guy in front of my teacher, James Earl Jones, and it’s true that I was once in the Klan but that was only to meet women. That said, WULAD presents...

The 5 Most Entertaining Items on a Thai Menu I Got Recently

5. Rare Naked Shrimp with Spicy Paste (Ten bucks extra if you want a lap dance.)

4. Pork Rib Pickle (“You got your pork rib in my pickle!” “You got your pickle in my pork rib!” Both: “Heyyyyyy…”)

3. Angle Wing (About 45°, I think.)

2. Lord (No thanks, I ate God for lunch.)

And the Number One Most Entertaining Item on a Thai Menu I got Recently:

1. Deep Fried Balls

OK, this is a sub-par post. I admit it, I'm coasting. So just allow the dulcet tones of the Bach Festival to drown out the screams of my joke writers while I beat and coerce them into squeezing more ideas out of their tiny, mashed-potato-like brains. Cheers!