Friday, May 14, 2004

More Fun in Iraq
In this article, U.S. Overlord L. Paul Bremer tells reporters that the U.S. would likely exit Iraq if asked:

"If the provisional government asks us to leave we will leave," Bremer said, referring to an Iraqi administration due to take power June 30. "I don't think that will happen, but obviously we don't stay in countries where we're not welcome."
He added, “We may have been asked already, but it’s hard to hear the Iraqis over the bombs we've been dropping. Or the barking dogs. Also not too many of them speak English, you know.”

While the N.Y. Post has some high-minded discussion of everyone’s favorite spokesmodel and torturer Spc. Lynndie England, star of the upcoming Correctional Officers Gone Wild!:
News of the shocking sexcapades in the controversial lockup come as a friend of disgraced reservist Lynndie England lashed out in her defense yesterday, saying tapes of her having sex in the prison were personal to her and the boyfriend with whom she is "in love."
Let’s just think about that one for a minute. Videotapes of her having sex in the prison were personal. This is none of your business! Sex is an expression of love between two people, their assembled audience, the humiliated prisoners wearing the couple’s underwear on their heads, and the United States Senate. Nobody else!

And lastly, U.S. officials decided to release some 300 detainees from the infamous prison, after of course securing each prisoner’s promise not to discuss the very personal public sex they may have witnessed between two loving people, or the friendly dogs provided to them for companionship.

Strangely enough, as the newly freed Iraqis filed out of the prison gate, Al’s “Qaedalicious” Lemonade Stand and Information Tent next door reported “brisk business” all day. “I tell ya,” said a spokesperson, “these folks just can’t get enough lemonade lately!”