Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Why I Love the Mission District
While walking to the Sunday night jam session at a local pub (which features such lovable characters as the frazzled hippie-dude who dresses like an Indian chief and offers exhortations like, “Urban funk-free jazz, man!” while narrowly avoiding falling on the band), I pass a grubby building with an open window on the second floor, where a very large woman sits on the sill, singing “Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit…”

Why I Don’t Love the Mission District
The poop.

If I May Be Serious For a Moment
As part of my ongoing quest to unite our fractured nation and heal the wounds that years of partisan bickering have wrought on our collective psyche, I make it a point to send nitpicking letters to outlets of our liberal media challenging them to rise above the mudslinging tactics of those on the other, which is to say wrong, side of the political spectrum.

Here's an example, which I sent to Salon after reading this tidbit randomly associating right-wingers with tasteless violent video games:

In your bit "Dishonoring JFK's death," you state "Indeed, NRA gunslingers from the red states and salivating 13-year-old boys alike are probably gonna love 'JFK Reloaded'." Maybe I'm being a little too judicious here, but what exactly is the connection between violent video games and red staters?

I share your disappointment with the election results, but I believe using every little bit of news to affirm our superiority to "the 51%" does nothing to help bridge the gulf in our nation's center. I may not agree with their politics, but I'm willing to bet most Bush voters would be just as offended at a virtual presidential assasination re-enactment as those who voted for Kerry. (And you better believe that there are plenty of right-wingers who are citing this game as an example of the corrupting influence of the liberal media as we speak.)

Further, endless sniping at the opposition ("The Republicans will be happy to hear that Bill Clinton's dog died," etc.) can snowball into cartoonishness (pick up a New York Post lately?), which only breeds more contempt and dismissiveness on both sides.

See you on the high road,

Charlton Heston

It's like I always say: think globally, act... damn! I just realized I've got almost a whole cup of coffee left! I love it when that happens.

P.S. See you at my show tonight, bastards.