Three Short Lists that Probably Should Have Stayed on the Drawing Board
Least Appropriate Sexual Innuendos
- I’d like to remanufacture her carburetor!
- I’ve got a final solution for her Jewish menace!
- I’d sign her seven-year, $119 million contract!
- I’d Haile her Salassie!
Best Excuses for Not Voting in Jan. 30 Iraqi Election- The polling is so poorly monitored that I’m afraid any yahoo with a 'C' average and some family connections could come in and steal the election
- Still trying to see somebody about these electrified genitals
- The last time I made my opinions known I ended up in a paper shredder
- It’s not just that the road to my polling place is heavily mined—I’m OK with that, really—it’s that I just don’t believe any of the candidates would really speak for me, since they’re all dead
- Saddam in '09!
Snippets of Conversation Between the Mars Spirit and Opportunity Rovers as They Gradually Succumb to Power Death
Spirit: Remember when we were doing all that science stuff? That was awesome.
Opportunity: Do you suppose they’re coming to get us? I’m sure they wouldn’t just leave us here.
Spirit: Did I tell you about when I changed tools to the Mössbauer spectrometer and placed it in the rock abrasion tool hole for a long integration? I did? Never mind.
Opportunity: I think Nietzsche was right; God is dead.
Spirit: Remember that show Perfect Strangers? I wonder whatever happened to that guy. No, not Balki, the other guy.
Opportunity: I never loved you.
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