Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Shattered Glass, WULAD-Style
Well, our humble little website has finally "arrived" on the internet literary scene: as of this weekend, we officially experienced our first (known) instance of plagiarization. Apparently an overzealous fan borrowed an old post of mine about the mysterious creature that lives in the waters of the San Francisco Bay (the Treasure Island Monster, or "TIM," for short), changed a few lines, and put it up on some Star Wars-themed message board as his own work.

(To make matters worse, I think his version may actually be better than mine: he put in a bit about "AquaChupacabra" that was pretty good, although it was an odd sensation to read about how he scuffed his "new blue and orange shoes," and then look down at the same shoes—though now significantly older and dustier—on my own feet.)

Fortunately, a diligent reader sniffed out the subterfuge and posted my version for comparison before the gentleman—let's call him "Jayson Blair Jr."—was able to reap the fame, fortune, and adoration of beautiful women that inevitably follows the publication of clever stories on a Star Wars message board.

In retaliation, I've decided to borrow from one of Mr. Blair's posts and present it as my own writing:

Today is one of those days where I realize I am way behind with all sorts of things: I'm almost out of shampoo, soap, toilet paper and toothpaste (so basically every bathroom item I use) and I also need to buy milk, pop and all kinds of food. Further, I need to do laundry and cut my hair and I also have a little pimple on my nose. I have waited this long to mention that I need to do dishes because for some reason even thinking about that gets me so so mad, I don't know what it is. Doing dishes, what a pain.

So how does it feel now, Jayson? I have pilfered the fruits of your brilliance and proclaimed them as my own!

Anyway, I must request that none of the WULAD faithful take the law into their own hands and contact Mr. Blair—I’m over it, and if I may quote from the original screenplay that I wrote for my film A Hanukah Story, "I'm sure that the guilt you must feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible?"