Friday, June 27, 2003

Cryptozoology in the San Francisco Bay
SCENE: Treasure Island, that charming radioactive landfill eyesore sunk in the middle of the Bay, 11pm, the not-so-distant past

DRAMATIS PERSONAE: G-monsta, ChelleBelle

After mysteriously being drawn on to the Bay Bridge at the end of a night on the town, Monsta and Belle have found themselves leaning against a railing at a vista point with a radiant view (one of the few selling points of an island without many marketable qualities) of The City that Always Sleeps. The tide laps against the rocky, trash-strewn shore.

Belle: What is that?
Monsta: What?
Belle: That. That thing right there. [pointing]
Monsta: [Looks] You mean that whitish thing?
Belle: Yeah, what is it?
Monsta: I dunno. Trash maybe?


Belle: But it's moving.
Monsta: Prob'ly just the tide.


Belle: Yeah, but look, it looks alive. See, it just stuck its head out of the water.
Monsta: What? Nah, it's just the tide moving it. It's trash.

[Pause. Both stare down at the water.]

Monsta: Wait a minute, that time it did look like it stuck its head out.
Belle: I told you! Maybe it's some animal that got stuck in the rocks.
Monsta: Like what? It's not a seal or anything.
Belle: It looks like it's alive, though. It's moving its tentacles or whatever. It's trying to get unstuck!

[Both stare intently.]

Monsta: What the hell is that thing?
Belle: I can see its eyes. Can't you see them?
Monsta: It’s the Treasure Island Monster, is what it is. What could we call it? Umm… [thinking]
Belle: TIM!

[Both laugh. They continue to stare down at the rapidly moving mystery object.]

Monsta: If I was younger and dumber, I'd climb over this fence and go down there right now. [Thinks.] You know what, I'm too young to be saying stuff like that, goddammit.

[Monsta steps over the fence, and starts slowly down the treacherous rocks towards the water.]

Belle: No trips to the hospital, OK?
Monsta: Nah, I got it.

[Monsta gingerly makes his way over the slick rocks until he is 5 or 6 feet from the water. He stares carefully.]

Belle: Can you see it?
Monsta: Yeah. Yeah, you're going to be disappointed. It's just…
Belle: What? What is it?
Monsta: [Stares, cranes neck.] Um… well… [agitated] What the fuck is that?!

[Monsta continues toward the water.]

Monsta: If I can just get a little closer… [grunts as his foot slips between two wet rocks and he falls, scraping his ankle and scuffing his new orange & blue shoes.] I'm OK!
Belle: What? What happened?
Monsta: Just fell. This was a bad idea.

[Monsta is directly over the mystery object, which continues to move erratically and emphatically.]

Monsta: [Angrily, grabbing ankle.] WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!


See an Artist's Conception of the creature here.