Thursday, June 09, 2005

Vegan Alternatives to the Phrase "Don't Count Your Chickens Before They're Hatched"

  • Don't count your seitan before it's tasteless.

  • Don't count your tofu dogs before you douse them in copious amounts of ketchup, mustard, and relish to try and conjure some vestigial memory of your carefree, meat-eating childhood.

  • Don’t count your wheatgrass juice before it gives you the distinct sensation you’re drinkng a lawnmower.

  • Don't count your scent of bacon frying before it causes you to question your reasons for this whole endeavor.

  • Don't count your potato chips before you thank God you can still eat potato chips.

  • Don’t cheese your cheese before it cheese cheese my God I fucking miss cheese.

  • Don’t count your tofurkey before you... ah, never mind.