Wrapped Up Like A Douche

The Last Time You'll Ever Hear About This
I must say that I've been very impressed with the level of turptitude and sacrilege employed by our contest-entrants so far. If you haven't entered, there's still time--while the judges are deliberating, however, a brief interlude of a practical nature.

I've been a reader of Matt Tobey's writing since the Haypenny days, so it has pained me to no end to witness the transformation of his City of Floating Whatnots into an endless chronicle of how he's furnished his entire house through free gadget offers.

Partly, this is because I would rather be reading about Carl Reiner's coloscopy than about Tobey's new flatscreen widget; but more importantly, it fills me with jealous rage that I am not the one receiving these shiny icons of the superiority of Asian craftsmanship. So instead of complaining (further), I'm signing up for one--just one--of these damn offers. If it works, I'll be the recipient of a spiffy new laptop with which to stoke the fires of my creativity; if it doesn't work, I'll be overcome with smug dismissiveness and self-pity. So it's a win-win situation (for me and for you).

Here's the deal: you, my most beloved readers, click on this here link, sign up for your own damn free widget, complete somebody's 30-day free trial whatever (I did the RealArcade thing because you can cancel and pay nuthin'), and then we all end up living the good life, with gizmos and gewgaws comin' out of our yin-yangs. But if I find out that Tobey has crates of Amway toothpaste in his basement, I'll be right peeved.

Tomorrow: the victorious champions of the Our Lady of the Blessed Blasphemy caption contest.