Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Items You May Want to Stock Up On, Now That Alito Has Been Confirmed

• Minority Employees
  
• Copies of Brokeback Mountain
  
• "Freak" Dancing
  
• Porn (Mainstream)
  
• Porn (Dwarf)
  
• Precious Bodiliy Fluids
  
• Scuba Gear
  
• Hot Jazz Music
  
• Porn (Smurf)
  
• Skinny-dipping Suits
  
• Cinemax
  
• T-Shirts featuring Che Guevara or Cornelius from Planet of the Apes
  
• Coat Hangers*
  
• Medicinal Marijuana
  
• Recreational Antibiotics
  
• Homeopathic RU486
  
• Food Items Containing Sinful Mix of Chocolate and Peanut Butter
  
• Witty, Irreverent Blogs
  
• Freedom

*What? You telling me you're not going to need to hang your coat?

I still think my nominee was better.