Well, the day I've waited for my entire life has actually come (and gone, come to think of it)—the creator of your very own WULAD has wormed his way into a printed, published (and soon to be pulped, no doubt) book.
It's called Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists, and it features a plethora of humorous bits penned by a cast of probably-not-thousands-but-more-than-tens. In addition to myself, this cast includes many other talented humorous-bit-producers I sort-of know in a digital way (such as the oft-imitated but never-penetrated C. Monks, for example).
But why, you might ask, should I spend my hard-earned drug money on this former happy, living tree, when I can just as easily read all the same lists on McSweeney's minimalist-designed website at no charge? My answer comes in the form of just the sort of "witty" list you might find in the book in question:
REASONS TO SPEND
READING THE LISTS
FOR FREE ON
- - -
- You can read it on the toilet, which I wouldn't recommend for the website.
- Could potentially fill you with the incomparable feeling of smugness that comes from supporting an independent bookseller, even if you secretly suspect they're trying to turn your kids gay.
- No additional money will be passed on to me no matter how many copies are sold, giving you the satisfaction of causing me to question whether I should've held out for another ten bucks.
- Every time a McSweeney's book gets remaindered a bearded hipster somewhere silently weeps.
- Prevents you from being the last one at the water cooler without an opinion on "Ways Art Garfunkel is Superior to a Dented Can of Vienna Sausages."
- The book may in fact contain exclusive material not found on the website. I don't have any reason to believe this, but I suppose it could be true.
- The unicorn-in-pastels cover art brings an air of rugged masculinity to even the daintiest of Scandinavian-designed coffee tables.
- Four Porsches is just not enough for Dave Eggers.
- - -So run on out to your neighborhood bookstore or predatory high-volume mail-order reseller, and pick up a copy if you know what's good for you. It may be your last chance to read me in print before The Bible II gets picked up by Random House.