In another "Holy Crap, They Pay People to Do This?" development, I'm happy to announce that as of this week I'm going to be contributing semi-regularly to Comedy Central's Indecision '08 blog. My first appearance is a group effort, painstakingly compiled with fellow Junkiness alumni Messrs. Tobey, Gladstone, and DiClaudio:
You may be wondering why Chuck Norris has decided to throw his massive support behind Mike Huckabee for president. Turns out there's a bunch of reasons...But wait--there's more!
- When Mike Huckabee participated in the Iowa Straw Poll, they had to re-name it the Iowa Iron Pole.
- Mike Huckabee can cut taxes... with his penis.
- Stephen Hawking told Mike Huckabee the universe was 12 billion years old once. Once.
- Mike Huckabee lost 100 pounds of body fat by eating it.
- Jesus asked Mike Huckabee for career advice, but Huckabee was too busy body-slamming Satan.
- Mike Huckabee flosses his teeth with the bones of abortion doctors at least twice a day.
- Mike Huckabee is forbidden to interfere with human history.
- Top scientists believe global warming is a direct consequence of Mike Huckabee getting angry.
- Mike Huckabee opposes gay marriage because every man on earth wants to marry him.
- Mike Huckabee won't repeal the Estate Tax out of sympathy for the families of his victims.
- Mike Huckabee has completed six marathons, two of which aren't until next year.
- Fred Thomspon, John McCain and Rudy Giuliani all got cancer because Mike Huckabee looked at them too hard.
- If Mike Huckabee is elected, he'll bring all the troops home--he can handle this himself.
- If Mike Huckabee had been around in Biblical times, the symbol of Christianity would be Pontius Pilate with a cross up his ass.