Thursday, June 06, 2013

The Giant Cheese Wax Ball Knows All, 6/4/13

Giant Cheese Wax Ball has agreed to take your questions. Fire away!

Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?
-Simon S.

GCWB: Thanks for your question. The answer is Paramus, NJ.

Can a simple guy like me ever truly understand M-theory?
-Dennis D.

GCWB: Hi Dennis. If you're talking about the unique supersymmetric theory in 11 dimensions, with its low-entropy matter content and interactions fully determined, that can be obtained as the strong coupling limit of type IIA string theory because a new dimension of space emerges as the coupling constant increases, then no. But if you mean the theory that M is the letter that comes between L and N, then yes, I think you can. P.S. you still have my Baywatch DVDs.

How did you like the Red Wedding scene on Game of Thrones? What is your opinion of the book version?
-Bran C.

GCWB: Glad someone asked about this. I can't fucking believe they killed off Dumbledore. I think the book version, where Harry is stuck under the invisibility cloak (instead of standing there doing nothing like a jackass) was better.

What's love got to do with it?
-Roger H.

GCWB: Everything. And nothing. [sigh]

Thought it was a stress ball...
-Saki K.

GCWB: Is that a question? Having stress and being a ball does not automatically make one a "stress ball."

OK GCWB, here's one for you... do these pants make me look fat?
-Meghan B.

GCWB: What is "fat," anyway? It's just a word!

Oh Great One, Your Most High Munificenct Magnificance, Your Musty Royal Red Gargantuous Cheeseball, I humbly beseech thee to answer this question; In D minor which is the best Symmetric Half diminished scale to use on A7 and is it the same if it was A7 in Dmajor?? Which one or two of the symmetric half diminished doesn't work well?? Thank You.
-Woodshedding In Berkeley

GCWB: Easy one, 'Shed! The hexatonic scale formed from two triads a tritone apart--in the case of A7, that'd be either the A & Eb triads (A Bb C# Eb E G) or, even hipper, the C & F# triads (C C# E F# G Bb). Both also work on G, Bb, C# & E diminished chords. Next!

Why does the sun shine?
-H.P. M.

GCWB: Either a) because through a series of collisions, the intense pressure at the sun’s core continually fuses four protons together to form helium; with every fusion, energy is released into the stellar interior, and millions of these events occurring each second produces enough energy to push back against the force of gravity and keep the star in balance for billions of years; and the released gamma rays follow a tortuous path higher and higher through the star until eventually emerging from the surface, millions of years later, in the form of visible light; or b) because God is farting.

What is the true meaning of life?
-James K.

GCWB: Life is commonly defined as the period between one's birth and one's death, punctuated by important "life events" such as childhood, adolescence, adulthood, pair bonding, the consumption of copious quantities of Babybel Cheese (from Laughing Cow™), and the subsequent crafting of superintelligent balls from the wax surrounding said cheese.

GCWB: Why not Zoidberg?
-Ben T.

GCWB: Ben--the Giant Cheese Wax Ball is a self-sustaining universe with no need of references to other comedy bits.

GCWB: Will I ever find true love?
-James K.

Gotta go straight from the meaning of life to true love, huh, James? You don't feel like taking a breather with a nice easy one like whether the A's are going all the way this year? (They're not.)

Tune in next time for the latest lessons in life, love, and legumes from the lovely, legendary GCWB!