Friday, July 05, 2013

The Giant Cheese Wax Ball Knows All, 7/5/13

It's Friday, which means the ever-growing, all-knowing Giant Cheese Wax Ball will once again be taking your questions & offering advice in life and love! Fire away!

GCWB: Is there life after 50 and will I ever find true love?
-James K.

GCWB: James Knox--As a wise man once said, "Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you're young at heart and aren't too high-maintenance."

This may have been asked previously, but how old are you Mr. Giant Cheese Wax Ball? (In years and/or number of cheeses consumed to be create you are both acceptable forms of measurement in this instance.)
-Melissa T-D.

GCWB: Melissa--Don't you know you should never ask a woman or anthropomorphized cheese ball her age, a man his salary, or Harrison Ford about the Star Wars Christmas Special?

GCWB: Are you secretly the alter ego of Ian's giant cat, Bob?
-James K.

GCWB: James--Bob is a great cat but he has a walnut-sized brain and is not by any stretch of the imagination all-knowing. Also he once knocked me under the couch.

What is up with the Giants, GCWB?
-Michael B.

GCWB: Michael--The Giants are a National League Baseball franchise located in San Francisco, California which will lose three straight games to the Mets next week.

Are you going to eat that cheese ball?
-Saki K.

GCWB: Saki--I am made of wax, which means チーズがもう食べていたよ。

O Cheese Ball, my father is a wonderful man but has always been critical of my career choices. I feel he has never respected them. So, should I buy the new Honda Civic, or continue to run my 10-year-old Kia?
-Tony C.

GCWB: Tony--Drive your Kia into a tree in front of your dad's house, and leave a note on the dashboard reading, "Dear Mr. Tony Corman's Father: We have kidnapped your son. If you want to see him alive again, bring a new Honda Civic (preferably the plug-in hybrid so we can use the carpool lane) to the following address: [insert location of your gig]. Sincerely, Dangerous Chinese Crime Syndicate." When your Dad shows up with the Honda, he'll be so happy to see you're alive that he'll have a newfound respect for your career choice, and will let you keep the Honda. Problems solved!

What are next week's winning powerball numbers?
-Meghan B.

GCWB: Meghan--the true Powerball jackpot is in your heart. Just kidding, I know the numbers, but I have plans for that money.

That's all for this week--tune in next time for another edition of The Giant Cheese Wax Ball Knows All!