Friday, September 19, 2003

Brushes With Brushes With Greatness
Over the course of my many travels, journeys, wanderings, escapades, undertakings, voyages, exploits, sexploits, jaunts, treks, excursions, sexcursions, adventures, expeditions, sexpeditions, madcap romps, and the like, I have been fortunate to have many encounters with people who have had encounters with some of the shining stars of this world—the glitterati, if you like—and I would like to share some with you, the reader, in the hope that some of the magic that rubbed off on those that met these remarkable people, which in turn rubbed off on me in a slightly reduced amount, might somehow pass a small residual part of that vicariously vicarious sparkle to you and your workaday existence, or sexistence, as the case may be.

  • My dad once went to a party that the late John Ritter was also attending.

  • He also saw Roy Scheider at an airport, but didn't say anything to him because he (Scheider, not my dad) wasn't wearing a shirt.

  • A friend of mine shared an orange with Allen Ginsberg.

  • The same friend also watched The X-Files with former governor Edmund G. "Jerry" Brown.

  • Another friend went to Jon Cryer's wedding.

  • The same friend once rode in an elevator with Dabney Coleman.

  • My sister met Magic Johnson at a party and said he was a jerk.

  • Another friend flashed her boobs at Chris Isaak (I don't blame her—he's a handsome guy. Not that I'd have sex with him. Unless maybe there was a lot of money involved or if I thought it would advance my career. Forget I mentioned it.) (Chris—call me.)

  • A woman I used to work with met Fidel Castro, or so she claimed. She may have been hallucinating.

  • Another friend's mother is old friends with Orlando Cepeda. (This is technically a brush with a brush with a brush with greatness.)

  • Timothy Busfield once cut my dad off on the freeway.

  • At a party, S.F. mayor Willie Brown once said suggestively to a friend of mine, "Gimme some o' that sugar."

  • While doing a headstand in yoga class, a friend fell over and landed on Willem Dafoe.

  • A different friend witnessed a confrontation between the same Willem Dafoe and a juice-bar employee. (Celebrities!)

  • I once got hit on by the daughter of a famous funk drummer from the 70s whose name I will withold for fear of legal action. (My mind is goin' through them changes, though.)

  • A guy I used to work with played a voice on an answering machine in Sleepless in Seattle.

  • Another friend saw the woman from Law & Order at The Vagina Monologues and said her head looks much bigger than on TV.
Now doesn't everybody feel just a little bit less insignificant? I thought so. Got further B.w.B.w.Gs? Send them in and I'll publish the best of them, and you, too, will be able to share some small part of that twice-reflected glory.