Wrapped Up Like A Douche

The News in Quotes
Salon muses on the vegetable magnetism of John Kerry:

...on the other side of the polling numbers was John Kerry, the lantern-jawed New Englander whose expressions of enthusiasm make Al Gore look like Animal from the Muppets.

While in sports news, the New York Times gives its measured opinion of Janet Jackson's (half) rack, and finds her lacking:

Perhaps the one moment of honesty in that coldly choreographed tableau was when the cup came off and out tumbled what looked like a normal middle-aged woman's breast instead of an idealized Playboy bunny implant.

And the Chronicle tactfully notes that the saga of the malfunctioning wardrobe illustrates the dark side of the CBS-MTV-Viacom-Nipple empire of denial, and comes up with a good general rule, to boot: "Maybe this will serve as a lesson to Viacom and other giant media conglomerates: Be careful who you swallow."

The News in Pictures