Monday, May 24, 2004

Ragging Time
E.L. Doctorow, famous author guy and bearer of ultimate responsibility for the Broadway monstrosity “Ragtime,” caused some waves during a recent commencement speech at Hofstra by spending his allotted time criticizing President Bush and his policies, rather than getting his audience fired up to enter the workforce as temporary employees and strike-breaking scabs whose only participation in the democratic process consists of casting their votes by touch-tone phone for candidates named "LaToya."

The crowd, consisting mainly of out-of-state friends and relatives of the graduates, booed Doctorow relentlessly, feeling that an institute of higher learning was hardly an appropriate venue to discuss President Bush.

Many parents and relatives of the more than 1,300 undergraduates were livid over the address, saying afterward that a college graduation was not the place for a political speech. "If this would have happened in Florida, we would have taken him out" of the stadium, said Frank M_____, who traveled from Miami for his granddaughter's graduation.
Yes, they would have taken him out. Of the stadium.

The president, meanwhile, was unavailable for comment, as he fall down go boom.