Thursday, July 08, 2004

Prominent Political Figures, as They Would be Known to Schoolyard Bullies

The Republicans

Dick Cheney “Dick-Chain Me”
Donald Rumsfeld “Donald Come-smelled”
Paul Wolfowitz “Small Ralph-on-titz”
Tom DeLay “Mom HeLay”
Condoleeza Rice “Cunt-a-lezzie Lice”
John McCain “Gone McWang”
Colin Powell “Colon-Pounder”
William Rehnquist “Willie Wank-wrist”
Scott McClellan “Snot McSmellin’”
George W. Bush “Stinky”

The Democrats

John Kerry “Junk Fairy”
Dick Gephardt “Dick Get-hard”
John Edwards “John Head-wads”
Hillary Clinton “Clitori Hellton”
Tom Daschle “Tom Da Ash-hole”
Wesley Clark “Wanksley Crack”
Howard Dean “Blowhard Queen”
Gavin Newsom “Gay-win Gruesome”

The Wild Cards

Al Sharpton “Whale Crapton”
Ralph Nader “Vote Waster”

The Pundits

Al Franken “Gal Wankin’”
Matt Drudge “Fatt Sludge”
Arianna Huffington “Diarrhea Fluffingfun”
Pat Buchanan “Flat Puke-cannon”
Bill O’Reilly “Bill O’Poopy-Pants”

The Foreigners

Jacques Chirac “Jock She-cock”
Muqtada al Sadr “Retada al Twatr”
Ahmed Chalabi “Mom-head Cha-slobby”
Ariel Sharon “Sharon Stone”
Tony Blair “The Blair Bitch Reject”
Pervez Musharraf “Pervert Muff-shave-off”

Can’t... stop... must... take hands off keyboard... Ah. Better. We now pass this challenge on to you, the astute readers, to continue in the comments. Best submission gets some prize or something.

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