All I Want for Christmas
- A starring role in Lord of the Rings IV: Hobbit Gangbang
- Carlos Delgado in a Mets jersey
- My two front arms
- A home in a parallel universe where the last two Star Wars movies were never created
- To git more smarter
- An end to the incessant telepathic orders to kill Lewis Lapham
- The head of Alfredo Garcia and an iPod
- A carton of cigarettes for El Macho, for this week’s protection
- To rock and roll all night, and party every day except Wednesday
- A brain, a heart, courage, ruby slippers, and an enormous schlong
- Peace, Joy, crap like that
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