Wrapped Up Like A Douche

Three Mini-Lists, in the Manner of a Certain Popular Website

Substances Barry Bonds Believed He Might Have Been Applying Other than Steroids

• Flaxseed Oil
  
• Suntan Lotion
  
• Kryptonite
  
• Venus Flytrap-Repellant
  
• Oxy 10
  
• Dr. Kilmer’s Original Swamp Root Cureall
  
• Bud Selig’s “Love Juice”
  
• Steroids Aqua Velva

My Favorite Fruits

• Bananas
  
• Persimmons
  
• Mandarin Oranges
  
• Insert Potentially Gay Celebrity
  
• Kiwis

Rejected Monster-Truck Names

• The Sautéer
  
• Rabbinical Rampage
  
• ShortBusSaurus
  
• The Clap
  
• Mighty Hermaphrodighty
  
• The Brazilian Waxer
  
• King Krossdresser
  
• BigConscience
  
• American Hubris
  
• The Hysterectomator
  
• The Black Guy