Three Short Lists, to Counter the Argument That I Never Do Anything for You
Part 1: Surprising Facts About Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the So-On and So-Forth
- Design of Yoda was actually inspired by object found in George Lucas’s left nostril
- James Earl Jones has been in a coma for three years; lines for Sith had to be reconstructed from phone sex chats recorded in happier days
- When Steve Spielberg cried at Lucas’s private Sith screening, he had actually just rubbed his eyes after slicing habañero chiles
- Original, pre-Tom Stoppard screenplay featured epic final battle between Negroid Droids and JewBots
- Jedis and Vulcans = same thing
Part 2: Rejected Names from the Recently Abandoned Sesame Street Smash Monster Truck Rally Concept
- Big Bird Spirit of American Dominance
- SuperGrover Rover
- Maria & Luis’s ¡Máquina del Muerte!
- Crush Me Beneath Your Mighty Wheels Elmo
- Mr. Hooper’s Store... of Destruction
- Kermit the Frog that Kills You
- This Horrible Motorized Death Machine Brought to You by the Letters E and J, and the Number 5
- Das Bert
Part 3: Things Not to Say in a Job Interview Under any Circumstances
- "Inappropriate touching is a highly subjective term."
- "During my reign of terror..."
- "What’s important is that no one died. No one who didn’t have it coming to them, that is."
- "I’ll answer when I feel like answering, Faggy McPantywaist."
- "Abe Lincoln was a shitty president and a lousy human being."
- "That’s what your Mom said when I was having sexual intercourse with her this morning!"
- "I hope to God I get this job. And obviously I mean that as a figure of speech, since God is dead."