The Douche That Time Forgot: Part II
As I continue to plumb the depths of human depravity over at The Spoonbender, we forge ahead on our two-week trip down memory lane with another fabulous guest contributor: this time it's Charges, reknowned pornography auteur and proprietor of her own entertaining website.
(Charges sent this to me with the preamble, "Hi Ian! Here is my thing. I hope it works out somehow." Oddly enough, this closely resembles the pick-up line I used in college! Ba dump, etc.)
Three days before this past Valentine's Day, WULAD gave me a gift that I graciously gave to my loved ones. Here is how it went:
From: RollertrainSo here it is: the Best WULAD Post of All Time (in 2005): Unbreak My Heart!
To: Gideon's Bible
Subject: OMIFUCKINGOD this is hilarious
dude, did you see what WULAD posted today? i've been reading it over and over for like 6 hours.
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From: Rollertrain
To: Coworker with Whom I Had a Passionate Affair that Ended in Rejection
Subject: This is what you did to my heart
I wanted to share with you the damage you did to my eternal core, except this time it's funny.
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From: Rollertrain
To: Coworker Who Has Been in Love with Me for 3 Years
Subject: Your agony is good for my ego
Does it feel something like this? You have that same grimace every time I say no.
- - - - -
From: Rollertrain
To: Head of I.T. Department
Subject: I TOLD you that blogs can be cool
You say "everyone has a fucking blog," but you don't even know what blogs ARE. Asshole.
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From: Rollertrain
To: I.T. Grunt
Subject: My boss told me to tell you this
Please get me Photoshop 10 and a new laptop so I can do stuff like this during work hours. Thanks. [Editor's note: WULAD is never created during work hours. Ever.]
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From: Rollertrain
To: Boyfriend
Subject: 2gether 4ever
Breaking up with me will cause me actual physical harm, and possibly make me die. Can you imagine the guilt that would cripple you? Life will be much easier with me alive. Happy V-Day, baby!
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From: Rollertrain
To: Spoonbender
Subject: Thanks for introducing me to WULAD!!!
It's the best blog ever!!! Also: Do you have his address? I'd like to send him some free porn for having the best blog ever. [Ed. Note: this is why C-Baby has said, "Stay away from that Charges girl."]
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