Friday, January 16, 2004

It’s Friday, so we begin with the ever-sorta-popular...

WULAD Web Wround-Up
Sean Penn’s in Iraq, dude.

Monkey undies! And huggable, cuddly bacon! (Just noticed Mimi's got this one as well.)

In WULADemy Award news, it’s the year’s first nominee for “Best Use of a Quote from a Blondie Song in a Satirical Infographic”: The Onion.

Late Add-on: Margaret Cho responds to torrent of vitriol from the right with aplomb.

Did You Eat All the Cracklin’ Oat Brain?
There’s been a lot of talk lately about Fried Brain Sandwiches, and it seems to me that although consumers may want to avoid eating beef brains due to the Mad Cow scare, this leaves many perfectly good human brains to choose from. Therefore, we proudly present the People Whose Fried Brains we’d Most Like to Chow Down on in a Sandwich:

Note: as this is currently a hypothetical endeavor, the brains of historical personages are considered allowable; if at some point in the future this becomes a reality, consumers will want to confine their searches to living or recently deceased brains.

James Joyce. The creator of Ulysses and Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man changed the face of fiction as we know it, and must be considered one of the giants of the modern era of literature. His brain would undoubtedly provide much educational nourishment (perhaps even insights into what the hell Finnegans Wake is about), and could be perhaps topped with some steamed Irish cabbage and served with a pint o’ Guinness.

Britney Spears. The fried brain of this popular chanteuse is light, fluffy, and resembles a puff pastry. Lightly dusted with powdered Sweet-N-Low, then served on Wonder bread with mayonnaise, sweet relish, and a side of bubble gum.

Abraham Lincoln. Many people know him as one of the greatest U.S. presidents, a master orator, and a brilliant statesman. What they don’t know is that his brain was the tastiest, most scrumptious morsel of 19-century goodness around. Even his assasin knew it—it’s a little-known fact that John Wilkes Booth’s last words were, “My only regret is that I never had the chance to taste that tyrant’s delicious brains before I die.”

Neal Pollack. Want to show appreciation for the genius of bloggery and author of Never Mind the Pollacks without the drudgery of penning long-winded testimonials to his greatness? Why not pay tribute by savoring the taste of his tender, juicy brain on a roll with tartar sauce and cole slaw? “Greatest Living American Writer”? Greatest Tasting American Brain is more like it.

James Garner. Brains—it’s what’s for dinner.