Wrapped Up Like A Douche

A Gentle Recommendation
When someone on the internet tells me to read something else on the internet--often using language like "must-read" or "don't miss" or "OMG!! funniest thing ever!!!"--I am often disappointed.

However, when I tell you to read something, you can be assured that I'm doing it for a good reason, and you will most likely not be disappointed, and if you are, it's probably your own lack of vision which is responsible, rather than any thoughtlessness on my part. What was I thinking, recommending something so hip to someone as phillistinistic and ungrateful as you?

But that won't happen. You're going to enjoy it.

OMG!! funniest thing ever!!!