Ways in Which I am Highly Qualified to Be the Next Pope
- Extensive knowledge of Scripture and Canonical Law
- Tall, pope-hat-shaped skull
- Masters in Pope Studies from Vassar
- Often excommunicating people in my mind
- Fluent in both Latin and Pig Latin
- Voted "Most Likely to Become Pope" in Senior Class
- Once beat the crap out of Archbishop of Canterbury in a rumble
Personal Issues Which May Disqualify Me From Said Papacy
- Intense hatred of God
- Crippling addiction to sex
- Paralyzing fear of Mel Gibson
PHCSF ‘05 Update: Thanks to a kindly pledge and shout-out from our friendly neighborhood SFist, Paris and I have decided not to abandon the pledge drive just yet. However, I fully expect that more of you, having had time to think about it and feel guilty, will step up to the plate and email me with your pledges now; if not, the Lord may just call me home.
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